Dare I move forward or rise from the ground? If I do, surely I shall be trampled again! Yet, there is no purpose in lying in defeat. I know God’s hand is upon me though each step I take forward, I am thrown backward all the farther.
Am I going the way in which I should? Perhaps I should lie here a little longer. Perhaps I will continue to kick and scream in the ditch that has been dug for me. Perhaps this is all there is. Perhaps it is enough. Didn’t I after all, dig this ditch for myself? Was it not my own kicking and wailing that caused me to sink deep into the earth?
Perhaps I could simply wait out the storm? I’ll keep my head low and those that come after me will pass me by. I know if I raise my head even for a moment they will come kicking and gnashing their teeth. It may just be better to lie here and sink into this hole.
No! Despite being beaten to where I can no longer bear to walk, I will continue the journey. I will crawl on my hands and knees or slither on my belly.
For each inch I gain, I am knocked backward a thousand times the distance. Despite this, I can look back at where I’ve come from and see that progress has been made. Forward motion must be winning.
As I look around, I am not the only one on this journey yet, I am traveling alone. I suppose this is how it must be. Traveling through this as a group is nearly impossible. From what I’ve seen, traveling together leaves you defeated with even more intensity as you are ripped apart in the process. Those that dare quarrel among themselves and lash out at each other. They become so distracted, they don’t see the enemy coming or worse become each others enemies in the fight to survive. They beat each other down so badly the reconciliation becomes inconsiderable.
Despite what I see all around me, I know that God’s hand is on me and will carry me. Still, once more, I find myself face first in the sand. The sand is up my nose, between my teeth and underneath my eyelids. Its in places no sand should know.
Is this any better than kicking and screaming on my back? Is lying in pure defeat better than struggling in vain? Is standing still better than trudging along only to be knocked backward beyond your starting point?
Not at all! There are children that need cared for. So many children that have no one else to travel with. Their faces so scared and lonely. Sadness envelopes them yet, they are full of love and trust. Anger bursts forth from inside them, a sign of the pain burning deep within them. Their tortured souls lash out from circumstances not at all of their own doing. Their big blue eyes stare wide-eyed in awe and fear. What beauty and sadness lies beyond their rage. Many will be turned off by this but, in no way could they understand.
You see, this is exactly where He meets us. Beyond what we can manage. Beyond what we can imagine.