As I look back at this past week (I use the term week a little loosely as it may have crossed 2 weeks), I realize I have done a lot of wallowing. Can I justify the reasons? sure! Did my friends sympathize and tell me to give myself some grace? Absolutely! Has God given me His grace? I am completely convinced! Here’s the thing, God had given me way more than His grace this week! But before I get into that, let me take you through just a few of the highlights of my week. I am betting you have experienced a few of these.
- As the week began, I had been looking for a place to live. I had found a place, gotten approval, even received permission from my current landlord to end my lease early. Excitedly I began making plans of my own until I received a call stating that the current residents were extending their lease and I’d have to wait 3 more months in a living situation where I do NOT want to remain.
- My 14 year old, currently living in a group home, ran away and was missing over 36 hours.
- As I took my place in church on Sunday, my in laws whom have been my closest family members for 15 years, whom i love and loved wholeheartedly, took their seats not too far away and politely greeted me with very distant body language. For some background, their son and I have recently separated and well, he is the biological child.
- The sermon talked about marriage, separation and reconciliation and the wonderful miracles that I totally believe God can work however; in my marriage, this is not the case.
- After a complete and total sob fest, I ran a ton of errands while smelling something completely and utterly awful as if something had died in my car. The smell made me nauseous and turned the heads of passers by. It was that bad! After arriving home and leaving the car sit for some time, unable to find the dreadful smell, I attempted to start the car and pull it into the driveway. It did not start and would not start.
- While my neighbor was attempting to help me with my car, she disclosed to me some information that had been passed along to her by my daughter. I wont disclose that here to protect the privacy of my family but, the information certainly made my character and integrity seem quite questionable in ways that just weren’t true. Needless to say there are many true statements that could have been made against me but these were just NOT true and very hurtful. They were told to her by someone she trusted and loved and will probably stick with her into adulthood.
- Finally as the week culminates, I was punched dead in the face at work, producing exorbitant amounts of blood, bruising and swelling and yes, a broken nose! Aside from the pain, I would not be able to work and cannot afford to live on disability.
Sure sounds like the perfect scenario for wallowing right? And I sure did my share of it. I also shared my wallowing with my friends who prayed for me and pointed me back in the direction of God. That being said, let’s look back at the week one more time.
- I got approved for housing at an affordable price and I don’t even have to break my current lease!
- My 14 year old was found with no injuries or harm!
- My good friend at church rescued me from sitting alone in church and lent me an awesome shoulder to cry on when the sermon got real!
- The sermon was about Abraham leaving the place he was living comfortable and moving on to a new place that God was calling him to, a place that would be built from the ground up by God. It was a moving and touching sermon that spoke straight to my heart about the wonderful plans God had in store for my life.
- I finished all my errands before my car broke down! A good friend loaned me a car for a few days and I didn’t even ask her! The car was an easy fix and under warranty! It got fixed right in my driveway and didn’t even cost me a dime!
- I had a beautiful heart to heart conversation with my neighbor and my daughter (separately).
- And although my nose is broken, the fracture is small, it isn’t crooked and I am still able to work!
Sure sounds like God had a huge hand in everything that happened to me this week! Sounds like He was totally in control! Seems to me like He had a hand of protection over me, guiding things exactly as they should be. Looking back, I see just how many details He took care of for me this week.
What good did wallowing do? How did my striving and planning help? What purpose was there in getting angry and annoyed? Looking back, I have so much to be grateful for and I am sure glad things didn’t play out the way they could have! I’m sure glad, God was there with me!
The Lord replied, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” – Exodus 33:14